With what? Balance. Focus. Joy.
I have been lacking in all three...thus I have been feeling spent and depressed.
The first place I turned was to the Psalms. And I say. "Thank goodness for the psalmist"! He (David) reassures me that I can be honest with God about my struggles. He also usually brings me back to the basics...to what is true, to what matters...to my knees.
I opened up to the following Psalms and felt encouraged and admonished.
Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If You Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You that You may be feared.
I wait for the Lord. My soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning, indeed more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord. For with the Lord there is lovingkindness and with him is abundant redemption and he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. Surely, I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever.
Psalm 130 especially caught my attention. I was able to break it into 3 sections as I read it. The way I see it, the first section highlights the vertical relationship...the sinner speaking to God, asking for forgiveness (presumably for failing to trust Him). The second section shows the internal struggle of waiting on the Lord...the sinner purposing in his heart to seek Him as the only one who can satisfy his soul, the only one who can help him when the darkness closes in. The last part is the horizontal effect of one who has learned to wait on the Lord. He will want to tell others about His goodness, His mercy, and His power because he will have experienced it firsthand.
The other two psalms helped me wrap my brain around the concept that 'there is forgiveness in Him that He might be feared' (verse 4 in Psalm 130). It struck me that His forgiveness actually really is a clear demonstration of His power. I remember hearing as a young girl that it isn't the mighty man who is strongest, but the one who can show restraint. God is the Almighty against whom I sin daily...and He has chosen not to crush me. He could, and His holiness demands it, but His lovingkindness won't let Him. There is hope for me yet. I must put my trust in Him and Him alone. I must fear Him like the blessed man did. He alone can help me when the darkness closes in. He alone can make me truly 'happy'.